the beginning of the end

Location: London, England

So on Monday, I fly to the States, where I will be for the next 5 weeks. Monday also signifies my last real day as a London resident. When I fly back in on October 13th, I return on a tourist visa (I say that phrase with disdain and dismay).

The emotional aspect of last 30 days in London is something I would rather not talk about on a blog. What can you really say to capture having to leave a city that has been home for you since the age of 16, and not know when you will be back again? All I take consolation in is that I am not the only one, this is in fact, for many others like me, the new post-modern way of living: Move, settle, pack up, leave and repeat. I'm 22, nearly 23 and I still don't really know where I see as my real home or where it will end up being. My next destination certainly isn't my last, and I have a feeling that is how it will keep going for awhile.

In terms of the physical journey - I thought I would spend my last month re-visiting all my favourite haunts and doing a 'trip down memory lane' type of journey through London, but I've actually ended up being so busy taking on a billion different projects, that I have ended up unable to. In a way, the busy-ness has been a blessing, giving me less time to sit down, contemplate and realise how heartbreaking my next move is going to be. And in another way, it is also a blessing because a 'trip down memory lane' reeks of goodbyes and never-agains. And that I refuse to accept.

Ok I know sometimes in my attempt to sound deep - i come off leaving people a little confused as to what is actually happening. BASICALLY I am leaving London for a minimum of 1 year, maybe 2 - and my first stop will be in Singapore, where my parents live. I'm not sure as yet whether I am gonna stay put there, because I have a few other options e.g. Bangladesh or the Middle East for my AIESEC traineeship. We shall see as time passes. The future is uncertain - so I shall have to update bit by bit.

Why am I not staying in London? Well, mainly because if I want to pursue my career as a journalist, I can't do so in the UK as it doesn't give out work permits to journalists. Apparently, it isn't a 'shortage' sector, like teaching, and to be honest I will someday either kill myself or kill my poor students should i go into school teaching permanently. And apparently, it is easier to get a permit to do mind-numbing factory-line banking jobs, than it is to do high-flying, exciting journalistic work. Go figure.

So there it is: between choosing life in London and life as a journalist, I choose the latter.

Do you sense my bitterness?