Yann

The first two weeks of 2008 were wrecked with indecision, life in limbo, a lot of soul searching and general frustration. I was offered a job as feature writer for a newly-launched women's magazine in Dubai and to go or not to go was heavily influenced by several factors, the promise I made to my parents to come back home after Egypt, reservations about living in a society like Dubai, reservations about working at a women's magazine and the urgency of it all — I just simply didn't feel done with Egypt. I still hadn't travelled through Palestine to Syria and I am still halfway through my Arabic course and I would've had to pack up my entire life here in Egypt and leave within two weeks.

I got tired of talking about it. Everyone was constantly asking, "Are you going? When are you going? When do you decide? Why? When will you get married?" (Okay, the last one, no one really asked, but the pressure is on, from certain parties) For unexplained reasons, I just lay back. I couldn't make a decision, it was too hard. I don't think I've ever felt this torn, this confused about making a decision, and it was a decision no one else could make for me. Lord knows, I had plenty of advice, pulling me towards either side. I had friends urging me on the phone to speak to my mother, convince her why this was the right thing to do. But I didn't KNOW if it was the right thing to do.

So I just sat. And waited. I don't know what I was waiting for, if anything. And then last night, I was hanging out with Yasser Bhai and Sufi at their apartment in Zamalek, and Yasser showed me one of his TV interviews that he had filmed when he was working for CBC. With Yann Martell. Those of you on my Facebook know that where you list 'religion', I've written, "Read Life of Pi and you will understand," and that this book is very dear to me. When Yasser mentioned that he had interviewed Martell, I was totally blown over.

After watching the interview on the laptop, suddenly something clicked and I just knew. I wasn't going to Dubai. I made a decision to go into journalism because I wanted to report on things I cared about. It all started with my fascination and dismay at religious nationalism in the subcontinent. I realised that after a year of writing about moisturisers (ok I exaggerate, feature writers dont do beauty reviews), I'm going to get tired and I will still be nowhere near the serious stuff that I came into journalism for. It may not be as fun — which girl doesnt dream of working for a women's magazine and devouring all the free goodies? — but it isn't what I'm aiming for. There were many reasons to go to Dubai, and many reasons not to, but my priority was on my career and the job upon which everything hinged — and I've realised, the job isn't worth it. So that finally tipped the scale.

So thank you Yann Martell, for peace of mind - yet again.